My Tired Eyeballs + Rough Cut Feedback

Up at five in the morning. This seems to be the only time when I can write in my blog anyway.

Stephen the Fantastic Editor suggested I get feedback on the short film over the Labor Day Weekend. Most of the feedback has to do with the music not working in some way. I am in trouble.

I had felt strongly, from the beginning of making this short, that I had wanted music in this film pretty much the whole time, not only as something the characters are listening to, but as something that makes the movie an emotional experience. It seems that in all the criteria I used in picking tracks, I missed an important one, which was making sure the music has to do with what’s happening in the story/scene.

I picked music that added ambiance, emotion, set a tone, and was realistically what the characters were listening to while doing an activity, but not tracks that had to do with what was going on in the story. What…just what the hell was I thinking. I think this was a case of directorial vision blinding me to the reality of what the scene needed. I guess I wasn’t really serving the narrative in my choices if the music doesn’t work.

When screenwriting, I’ve had a vision in my head for what happens in a scene, that sometimes turns out to be totally wrong. The characters perform an action that doesn’t take into account the reality of what’s happening — where you’ve set the scene, the circumstances of the characters, so you have to rewrite it. And that’s fine.

In this case, hiring a composer means more money spent. For a short film. When I’ve already spent a substantial amount of money already, and we can expect this probably isn’t going to get into Sundance anyway. What is the point in making this perfect? Should I try and integrate the music the way I had envisioned it, cut my losses, and hope I can make another, better film?

The only reason I’m even considering this is because one person out of the few I asked for feedback mentioned the music works. One person. And maybe if it worked with one person, maybe it’ll work for other people. On this short film — since it is a short, and I’m not bankrolled by a studio — maybe I should cut my losses and go with the music I have if it’ll work for some people, even if it’s not everyone or the majority. I don’t think I was completely crazy when picking the tracks. If the pieces of music aren’t the right choice, do they still add something to the film that’s worth it to experience?

I want to mention that I had a bad day over the weekend where I just…I got really discouraged by my prospects, and time out of the weekend was spent dealing with my feelings until I reconnected with who I was and realized that making good movies is incredibly important to me, and that I have to keep inching forward. The thing about feeling bleak in this case is that you have to remind yourself it isn’t true. They’re only feelings, not surefire predictors of the future.

But when you weigh the odds, the chances of this actually happening, it’s almost like they dictate the path for you, whether that’s a wall you can’t scale, or a path over an interminable canyon with no rails. And things become really, really scary, and you can’t tell the difference between what’s true and your feelings. And I think in these moments you have to realize that you set the path too, through your actions. Filling out that grant application, continuing to work on that script, working a full-time job for two years to get that short off the ground could ultimately be the difference maker that leads you to somewhere really fulfilling.

I’m not big on generalized lessons. What may apply to me, may not apply to you. I don’t want to say something like, “guess you just have to keep going.” But I know that’s what I’m going to do.